Talking about sex and personal preferences
Discuss intimacy with a trans partner without assumptions about bodies or sexual roles.
Ask whether this is a good moment
Before discussing sexual preferences, check that the other person wants that conversation. ‘Would you feel comfortable talking about intimacy?’ allows a genuine choice. A yes to the topic is not agreement to any activity. Keep the conversation private and give each other time to think.
Use each person's own language
People differ in the words they use for their bodies and the intimacy they enjoy. Ask what language feels comfortable rather than assuming that gender identity tells you someone's anatomy, history or preferred role. You can also share your own preferences and subjects you would rather leave for later.
Make room for limits
Discuss what interests you, what you do not want and how you will check in. ‘I am curious about this, but I am not ready to try it’ is a complete answer. Avoid turning the conversation into a negotiation to overcome a boundary. If your preferences do not fit, recognise that without judging the other person.